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RECSP ▸ 03:14:88
⚠ EVIDENCE TAPE — DO NOT EJECT
🚨 WANTED: $JUAN 🚨 LAST SEEN CROSSING THE BLOCKCHAIN 🌵 NO KYC ▸ NO PAPERWORK ▸ NO SLEEP 💊 SOMBRERO LIQUIDITY LOCKED IN THE TRUNK 🚔 STOLEN FROM THE FED — REDISTRIBUTED TO DEGENS 💸 IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU'RE ALREADY HOLDING 👽 🚨 WANTED: $JUAN 🚨 LAST SEEN CROSSING THE BLOCKCHAIN 🌵 NO KYC ▸ NO PAPERWORK ▸ NO SLEEP 💊 SOMBRERO LIQUIDITY LOCKED IN THE TRUNK 🚔 STOLEN FROM THE FED — REDISTRIBUTED TO DEGENS 💸 IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU'RE ALREADY HOLDING 👽

[ PLAY ▶ ] EP. 01 — "EL ALIEN BANDIDO"

$JUAN

the most wanted
memecoin in the galaxy.

Smuggled across 14 chains in a sombrero. Wanted by the SEC, the IRS, the FBI, your mom, and three dimensions of cops. Buy the bag, burn the receipts.

▶ BUY $JUAN
⚠ NO KYC⚠ NO MERCY⚠ NO PAPERWORK⚠ NO BEDTIME
Juan the bandido alien mascot
SUSPECT ID: #J-4204● LIVE
WANTED

▌ RAP SHEET

CHARGE #4200
GRAND THEFT LIQUIDITY

Lifted 4,206,900 USDC from a sleeping market maker. Didn't even spill the horchata.

STATUS: AT LARGE
CHARGE #4337
POSSESSION OF HOPIUM

Caught with 3 kilos of pure copium and a wallet full of expired airdrops.

STATUS: AT LARGE
CHARGE #4474
FLEEING THE SEC

Last seen on a stolen scooter heading toward a decentralized sunset.

STATUS: AT LARGE
CHARGE #4611
TAX EVASION (GALACTIC)

Refused to file Form 1099-UFO. Claims sombrero as a dependent.

STATUS: AT LARGE
CHARGE #4748
ARSON OF A ROADMAP

Set a 47-slide whitepaper on fire and tweeted the ashes.

STATUS: AT LARGE
CHARGE #4885
IMPERSONATING A DEV

Pushed to main with no commits. Just a vibe and a maraca.

STATUS: AT LARGE

▌ CONTRABANDONOMICS

Supply
420,000,000
all stolen, fair launch
Tax
0 / 0
we don't pay taxes
LP
🔥 BURNED
with the receipts
Team
1 ALIEN
currently on the run

▌ EVIDENCE LOCKER

CONTRACT ADDRESS — DO NOT TAMPER
▸ chain: solana-of-narnia▸ status: UNDER INVESTIGATION▸ holders: 1,337 fugitives

▌ HOW TO SMUGGLE $JUAN

  1. 01.

    Get a wallet. Don't use your real name. Use your cousin's.

  2. 02.

    Cross the border with some ETH or SOL. Hide it in a burrito.

  3. 03.

    Swap for $JUAN at the unmarked liquidity pool behind the cactus.

  4. 04.

    Delete your browser history. Wear the sombrero. Never speak of this.